When your partner asks for a separation or divorce, it can feel like a sudden, overwhelming shock. Even if you anticipated it for months or years, the finality of the decision can disrupt your entire life. If you weren’t expecting it at all, the surprise can be deeply unsettling.
For many, this may be their first experience with separation or divorce, and they might not know what steps to take next. Emotions can cloud judgment, and advice from well-meaning friends and family can sometimes complicate matters. While those close to you have your best interests at heart, you are the one who must navigate this challenging process.
Fortunately, you don’t have to go through it alone. Professional advisors, such as family lawyers, can offer the guidance you need. Our family law experts regularly assist clients through separation and divorce, helping them understand the steps to take and how to protect their interests along the way.
While every case is unique, here are some key points to consider as you begin this journey.
Separation vs. Divorce
Separation and divorce are often confused, but they are different stages in the process. Typically, you must be separated from your partner for at least one year before you can file for a divorce, which legally ends the marriage.
Separation can be formalized through a separation agreement, which may address issues like child custody (now known as decision-making responsibility and parenting time), child support, spousal support, and the division of property. If an agreement can’t be reached, you may need to apply to the court to resolve these matters.
Sometimes, couples continue living together during the separation process for various reasons, such as financial constraints or shared parenting duties. If this happens, they must prove they were living “separate and apart” during the separation period, even if under the same roof. Factors that determine this include whether the partners continued intimate relations, had joint family discussions, celebrated holidays together, or participated in shared household duties.
Divorce cannot be finalized until a year after separation. However, if you try to reconcile during that time, you have up to 90 days to do so without restarting the clock. If the reconciliation fails after 90 days, the one-year separation period starts over.
For common-law couples, the process differs, particularly concerning property rights and division of assets. Common-law couples do not need a divorce, but they may face similar challenges regarding parenting, support, and property division, with specific legal processes available to address their concerns.
Drafting a Separation Agreement
Deciding to separate is a tough decision, and emotions can run high, especially if there are feelings of betrayal. While it’s natural to feel hurt, reacting impulsively can make the separation and divorce process more prolonged and costly. Disputes over even minor details often involve lawyers at every stage, which can escalate costs.
Once you have retained a lawyer, you and your ex-partner can begin drafting a separation agreement. This legal document will outline decisions on child custody, support payments, and property division. It can also include clauses for resolving future disputes, helping to avoid repeated legal involvement for minor disagreements.
Next Steps
The separation and divorce process can seem overwhelming, but keeping a few things in mind can help. For example, no matter how angry you feel, avoid conflicts in front of your children. Keeping a child-centered approach is crucial for their adjustment to the changes and can benefit your case moving forward, as well as make co-parenting easier once the legal matters are settled.
Your next step should be consulting with a family lawyer to discuss your specific situation. A skilled family lawyer can offer advice on important decisions, such as whether leaving the marital home could impact your case, or how to handle a former partner who may be difficult or even threatening.
Although this is a challenging time, remember that you have legal rights and responsibilities during separation. Even though it may feel like your world has been turned upside down, the law is on your side.